Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
