I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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