glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
