listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
