God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
