Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
