Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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