people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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