it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
