she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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