Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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