The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
