I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
