Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
