Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The uberlube is also flammable
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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