she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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