After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
