your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
