My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
