Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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