You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize