gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
