It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
