Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
