I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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