best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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