Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
