I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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