its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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