even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
