I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
