Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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