is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
