Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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