Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
As shirtless as possible
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
