no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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