If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
