Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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