there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
