My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
