six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How naked do you want me to be?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
