Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
