I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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