HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
NoShamevember. You game?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
