i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
