An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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