i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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