Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
