Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
