eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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