i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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