just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
