I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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