And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
