You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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