Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
