your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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