mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
