For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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