So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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