Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
