By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
