i was born a porn star she said
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
