just come out here and I will go home with you...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
