i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
