I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
