dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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