I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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