this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
