Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
