how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
