I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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